天气见暖 在应该须寒的日子里 和家人一起的感觉很好

即使疲倦乏味 也是舒服的

life is an easy-going person, if you wish him to be

not tedious but full of taste and colour

for my choice...

 

 

 

there is a kind of people whose habit of diet depends on his emotion wandering around the world

wondering? am i in?

maybe.

曾经奢望一碗白粥和油条的生活

可是等顿顿素食无味后　所谓的JUNK FOOD也不那么讨厌

现实一点　活不了多久　就善待自己吧

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Today is my first day I start to write dairy in English in china. Now, I just feel my head is full of confusion and puzzling; besides, I feel frustrated and deeply depressed, as the girl whom I used to treat as close and intimate friend betray me. What a poor girl I am! And what a dramatical thing happen to me. I feel awful and disgusting. Maybe I am too pessimist, but deep feeling of a loser and huge failure pour over me like icy storm. In some degree, I still prefer to look on the bright side of this thing; all in all, she used to be my best friend. I still persuade myself that she is, actually, a kind girl in essence. I have to admit that I am good at comforting people. I can help my mother get out of her trouble. Maybe that’s show to me that I like to talk with people. At a result of that, maybe someday in the future I would be a psychologist. My mind is flying away from the topic I am trying to represent. I have to get back on my topic. Now I am thinking about finding a way to solve it. Perhaps I should have a word with her, talk with her face to face. I still remember the phrase my Canadian teacher told me “one should always put oneself into other’s shoes”. Perhaps I should keep a distance from her from today. I really have no idea about the ways to solve it. Actually it drives me crazy. This instance makes me think about friendship. Is the friendship easy to achieve but hard to continue, run and complete? I believe this question has already hung around in many people’s head, but few can finger it out and come to the definite and concrete answer. For long times, I couldn’t handle the friendship well. It is true that I am really poor at it. I used to have many friends in my past life, whereas mostly they are just onlookers. I insist that it is me that make them pass by me in seconds like breezes. Finally, I come to the conclusion that, as the saying goes, when you reveal your secret to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing it to the trees. My lesson is not to share too much with others about personal things.

 

Friday, September 05, 2008

What am I going to say today? Oh, yeah! These days I felt lack of sleep and my condition was in a totally mass. How those supposed to happen in the first week of the new semester? I can see my weakness in the face to the big changes. Today, silently, I chose the latter way to deal with this instance. I said few words to that girl. For sure, she can feel my reaction and touch the tense relationship between us. I had already found that she was a sensitive girl, which could be reflected from much usual stuff. I am an indecisive person. In other words, I could not make quick and concise decision by myself. That is terrible and hard to improve. Recent days, I have to make a vital decision, and I get stuck again. I tried to phone my father many times, to describe the thing in details to him, and to turn to him for some help. Things like this one occurred to me hundreds and thousands of times. It seems to become a routine. A disastrous habit! Sometimes I can strongly feel that I am getting more and more independent, self-reliant. On the other hand, at the deep inside of me, a sort of uncanny sensation of feeling which maybe compose of fear to face the failure exists and grows in snail and turtle’s speed. In fact, I am afraid of being criticized and defeated. My mind is foggy but there is a torch running in somewhere the corner of my heart, which leads me to an uncertain way, yes, I may choose to follow that way. Step by step, it would be extremely tough and full of blocks; it would be another misery I chose for myself. I hope I will not regret and the fact is that it would not admit me to turn back. The only thing I can and I must do is keeping trying and walking on. I may Stumble or stagger. I believe that no matter what will be happen will i strive for the victory. Suddenly, those unhappy things remind me of my warm family. That is due to the human instinct. I realized I had not call mom for a few days, so this night I will give her a call and say to her some sweet words. Indeed, I need them in earnest.

 

 

Saturday, September 06, 2008

In my mind, I do not have the real definition of weekend. I might be a freak in some degree. I do have the times when I feel completely exhausted and worn myself out. I do not mean I am always energetic. On the other hand, I have not find a routine way or certain circle to kill my spare time. Library is good places where you can half relax yourself except you are wearing a tiny, mini-skirt. Whereas is certainly not a suitable place for watching some kinds of limited movie, even it is the one involving only few scenes of Porns. Because you have to be over-careful for someone’s glaring. For my part, “sex and city” is the case in point. I have to admit that it does contain something improper for public watching. I like this drama, as I do learn something that might relate to my later life such as my love story. Now “love” this word seems to be a totally stranger to me. Shamefully to say, I have not taste it in its essence, and the ex-relationships were all my trying; besides, they were all superficial in the way I saw nowadays. Now, I am getting more and more afraid and terrified. It is certain that if you buried something too deep and left it alone long time, you will forget how to use it easily, and even worse, you may never dare to touch it. I am twenty years old now, compared to the four old women in that drama I am quite young. However, everyone is so unique, and you never can guess what would be happening next. When you are doing the self-analysis with yourself, you may easily lose your way and completely drop in a mess. I believe nobody knows himself in a comprehensive way. Sometimes, the truth is people barely know themselves. People around you can list at least three merits or defaults of you in seconds, but you may spend half day and trace for nothing. That is sympathetic but to be a terrible truth. Somehow, something reminds me of the movie “Redemption”. For me, it is fantastic and fabulous. One thing interesting is that I find I have factors the same as the main actress in that movie. I am also an imaginative person. I still remember that when I was quite young I used to draw a cartoon book by my hand and did some kinds of stuff like this, and I am good at writing. i used to write a composition that said a kind of bread trees can be grown in classrooms so that students can eat them whenever they got hungry. For many times, I dreamed of being a writer who owns her column in one or two popular magazine. I will be very proud of saying “yeah, I wrote this” when my friend pick up her favorite book and point my name in big surprise. Oh, gosh! I start to make a day-dream again. Along with my growing up, the cruel world improves one fact that I would never be a writer ever. Maybe now I just make an earlier decision, and there is still a tiny hope in my secret corner of my heart.

 

 

 

Sunday, September 07, 2008

I dropped into the nightmare again: The same headache, same fever, and same poor body condition. I had not realized how weak I could become when I was sick. The whole body was surrounded by heat; the feet were heavy like stone. “Only you can feel yourself”, for this time I improved this phrase. However, also nobody could know one’s potential. I woke up with a bit headache, but I ignored it, and thought it was the electronic fan’s fault, as my bed straightly under it. Today was Sunday; actually, I planed to study a little and relaxed myself. But things were not usually going in you way. I had two promises I made the week before. One was hanging around with my classmates for some traveling in Luoyang, the other one was companying my younger brother to do few stuff. I was not a person liked to break the promise. Luckily enough, I made those two. First, by sitting into a car for half an hour, my classmates and I tasted the famous beef soup. Though I was not really hungry, I ate as much as I could, for I had seen a Korean drama and learned that when you were sick you need more energy, so just keep eating when you have a taste. The feeling was not bad when I finished my soup as I sweat a lot. I worn a blouse outside my T-shirt, and the fact showed this was a wise decision. The weather was rainy a little; I did not feel cold contributed to it. After the beef soup, I still could feel my weakness. And I had to meet my brother in another place. Thanks to my heart-warmed friends, they sent me to the spot. As I said before, today I had to treat my brother. He picked a Korea restaurant, due to its popularity; I waited for the desk twenty minutes. In spite of having a full stomach, I ordered a kind of tofu soup which I assume that it was helpful for my health. But later, I found it was a mistake, I lost my taste and wasted those delicious foods. But anyway, I got though the whole process. Dong got hair-cut. I waited for another twenty minutes. The rain was getting heavier and heavier. Finally, everything was done. We took the taxi to go back. During the walking to my dormitory, I was wet by the storm. I thought my condition had gone really bad. And sure it was, I worn out myself again. Could I say I was a tough person? Maybe it was.

 

十月

是不是每个人都应该最爱自己的生日月 即使忙碌平淡如常 唯一特别的是我爱的数字 诞生在那天

为什么是十七呢 我来回答 这世上其实是没有秘密的

10。17我的生日 11，17 妈妈的生日 算命的说17岁那年我桃花命犯。

你看我是不是应该和这个数字纠缠不休反反复复

突然的 就不想再说自己的生活 特别平凡 白开水永远都有喝厌的一天

 

<2>

看我原来的东西 那些悲伤的 幸福的时候 所拥有的东西 所尘封的 却是相同的气息

于是 看过去的 就是毫无生机的杂物 就象我们体内被悄悄遗忘的 刻意的 放弃的 被视为垃圾的思想 我们仍然不舍得放弃

就想一直留着

 

坐在显示屏前 有点难过 难过的是自己不再想在纸上写字 那个一天忙碌后趴在桌子上爬字的 姿势 已经很陌生

学生是世界上最幸福的职业 是这样吗 还是自己的感觉细胞在不知觉中慢慢遗散

背书 整理笔记 备战考试 真的是很容易的程序 象在计算机上复制再粘贴 日子被不粘胶带 排版一样 粗略的拼凑

 

 

睡眠再次成为奢侈的东西

在这个世界上 做一个真实 坦白的人 真的很难

我们没有办法为自己活着 因为我们要面对很多意外 是这样的

好想 每个人都是透明的

 

 

<1>

夏天其实还未离开

我记得　去年的１０月１５日　依然着Ｔ　风只是有些微凉 　晌午还是特别温暖　只是远离炎热

惊奇的发现近几年来自己总是在做重复的复制　生活　有新的开始　接着　又有旧的结束　再然后如此继续

就象导师讲的＂时间几率原则＂　这个世界　也许　是因为太多的困惑和不解　地球才旋转的如此艰难

 

 

很多年前　我有想过　去上海那个资情资意的城市　慢慢的生活　后来我发现　自己一直的不合适

就算我去过自己曾经幻觉中的古城丽江　在潺潺流水边　我发现　自己如此的格格不入

如果说人的一生　都在寻找　适合自己的　一些　方式　抑或　道路　

那么　我　注定要展转反复　路标如此的缥缈

 

这是我新的手机屏保　糖果兔

即使会有时候想很多复杂的事情　大多数的时间里　自己象幼稚的孩子

也许　每个人都是这个样子

<10>

 

HATE THE SIN. NOT THE SINNER 看完天堂口　这是我想起的感觉　失落落的

夏天开始变的象梦魇　翻来覆去的　怎么甩都不走

换了科系　我即将面临的是　新的朋友和同学　自己一个人在外面　就是这个样子　变化象容易易容的山河　不知何时　已物是人非

<9>

 

窝躯在一张椅子里　欣赏完了它　感觉很好　片子是三分之一的温暖加三分之二的悬疑

观影者总有边看边自我充当福尔摩斯的习性　有点异域神话的结尾让我很满足　至少不失望　

Jay 是个不普通的人　我承认

 

<8>

 

昨天还是前天 大家过的还好吗 七夕 在视觉上亦或听觉上都那么美好的名字

我现在想看的电影是不能说的秘密 曾经最喜欢的电影是阿甘正传或肖申克的救赎 最近才看过的电影是TRANSFORMERS

哈里波特 天堂口 集结号? 

我早已经淡忘了 小时侯 坐在即将放映电影的那片瞬间漆黑里的忐忑和未知的惊喜

 

<7>

 

看图说话　这是我的兔子　一只特别普通的兔子

甚至它的名字也有点俗　小白　蜡笔小新有只狗也叫小白　我们都很爱我们的小白

身边布满了平凡的　不起眼的小物件　可是　每个都惊奇的拥有自己的小故事　自己找一找　再好好的用力想一想　

原来是这样呢　那些想起的象灰尘一样的碎屑记忆　夹杂着点小幸福

 

<6>

 

我走了好久好久的路今天 边走 边吃一碗很多很浓的 红豆冰沙 它不算是冰淇淋 对吗 对啊 它只是把红豆和冰块混合在一起

七 你看我的理由多牵强

你曾问我为什么这么喜欢走路 我说 走路多好啊 风景好 还锻炼身体 没说的是 和想一起走路的人慢悠悠的消遣时光

是多么开心的一件事

但是 我们都学会了要有选择的说话 把浅浅的东西都摊开 那些深刻的 有真正意义的 我们说不出 就埋在心里了 仿佛它们本该如此

我们都不是特别勇敢的人 那些人 洋洋得意的 晒浅薄的幸福

被蚊虫叮咬过的地方 三天后 还会隐隐作痒

一些自认为已忘却的事情 某个下过雨的午后 也伤感的漂浮了上来

雨下了一场又一场 天气 该凉了吧 那就快些吧

 

<5>

 

七 好多人问我为什么转变了生活习惯 其实 是因为生病了

有时候我会想也许每个人 都有一些不去注意的芝麻小病的

我们对待这些蚂蚁病菌特别仁慈 温和的 眼睛  一只紧闭 另一只也是微睁着 可惜 这样子还是不足以忽略

因为 身体会痛啊

好象是从初中毕业的那次上海之旅开始的

本来是多么美好的度假 那么多好玩的好吃的好看的

我的一半时间 在数医院的点滴

似乎没名字 也不是 可笑的重病

就是 身体腹部有个东西不听话总是闹脾气

我觉得 是阑尾炎吧 我就想 割掉算了 又没用

可是医生说不是的 是胁痛 那是什么呢 那个字 念XIE哦 原来都没见过

所以医生给我开了好长好长的药方 那些纸薄薄的 太用力的下笔 对着阳光从反面看 也是清清楚楚的

于是我要开始吃素了 有些可笑吧 七 你知道的 我其实是个特别健康的孩子 能吃能跑能跳的

所以 不需要担心了

 

<4>

 

与糖诀别

终于决定要作一个完整的素食主义者了 海鲜不能吃了 冰欺凌不可以碰了 连 大蒜都不可以 好象 那些七七八八的调料 也要尽量避免

为了身体健康 注定是要付出代价的 只是 没想到 要戒掉那么多我爱的 还要浸泡在 中药罐子里

茵陈 二花 栀子 厚朴 防己 蒲英 这么美好的名字 味道 为什么如此炽热的苦

七 你看 为了作一个美好的人 我多么努力的刻苦

 

<3>

七 我想和你说说话 以后都会 陆陆续续的

今天 走过那家经常去的饭店 门口的小姐看见我居然笑着冲我招手 落地窗前的那个座位 在心里某处轻轻点了一下

七 你怎么可以记得这么清楚

<欲望都市>里的凯蒂似乎很喜欢逛大牌的二手店 耗上一上午 淘到一件CHANEL 那真的很幸福

七 在夏天里买到便宜的冬季小坎甲 也会非常的高兴 想想它们起初的价格 好吧 再赏给自己一串念想 于是 又可以撑好些天

男孩子也会有这样的心情吧 在遇到PSP打半折或是魔兽世界里捡到宝衣 真是非常意外的惊喜了

想对自己好些 睡个好觉 再好些 买好多好吃的可爱多 百乐宝 梦龙 花花绿绿的

七 为什么我突然发现自己一个人也很快乐

七 此刻你在干什么呢 听MY RADIO 90.0 吗 还是正在期待"今夜不寂寞"

七 你的口味怎么都不会变呢

七 晚了 北北 安了梦好

 

<2>

在网上搜索东西的时候发现一个好玩的测试

可以对你的博客进行一番评价

信于不信尚可搁置一边 娱乐的感觉着实不错

把我的测试发上来 大家有兴趣也可以去看看

地址:http://www.yodao.com/blogender/

 

<1>首先发个牢骚 空间没办法上传照片了 面对黑屏 只能无语

 

 

突然就发现这个夏天好象特别漫长.我曾觉得幸福的事.譬如看自己喜欢的书.手边一杯水.盛在透明的牛奶杯里.闲适.特别闲适.特别美好.这样的事一度我觉得有些乏味.甚至略显做作.我是小青年.站在80年代的尾巴上.可以作很多好玩的事情.比如...比如什么呢.一时语塞.有几天没轮滑了.有多少天没出家门了.原来.兴趣也可以分几个星级.最高的那个五星级好象永远没有着落.

我喜欢的EDISON有了可以让他公诸于世的女友.我欣赏甚至迷恋这样的男子.爱色是人之纯性.之外.活的这样洒脱且自我在适时的时候又可以对全世界说我爱那个女人的男子.我爱极.谁又不爱.

 

我对四季的敏感度属于极弱.于是.我说不出最喜欢或最讨厌.对于每个季节.有时候.会很欢喜.有时候.又很厌恶.譬如现在.我对这缠绕已久却不日渐消退的夏天有些厌恶.尤为讨厌甚至憎恨每逢出门每次必被蚊虫叮咬.于是.我随身携带风油精.有时候稍带些美好的东西反而会带来不必要的反作用.比如花露水.味道淡淡香香的.对于蚊虫叮咬的包包却有些无力.

当你走在路上.从你身边走过一个女孩.身上带着还未消散的风油精的味道.你会怎么想?